Making Amends Can Be Painful
by Jurojin
Summary: Tony Almeida stood next to his station and stared across the bullpen at someone he didn't ever expect to meet again. Season 4 AU T/M


_Not mine. Just fooling around with them._

_This is a naughty season 4 AU one shot. Angry sex is still hot sex. While it starts out as angst it will end well. I just can't do much angst. This will be a bit more "adult" than my others have been. It will still be within the rules (hopefully), but just know it's more "rough" than the others._

* * *

_What the _hell_ was _she_ doing here?_

Tony Almeida stood next to his station and stared across the bullpen at someone he didn't ever expect to meet again. There she is, his ex-wife. The woman he gave everything up for. The woman he went to prison for. The woman's well being he chose over the country's. The woman that six months ago up and left him.

_That's not fair Almeida and you know it._

He knew it was his fault. When she had finally met her breaking point, he had been too drunk to even stop her. He just sat there watching her cry, watched as she picked up her suitcase and left. He just let her gasp and tremble as she told him she still loved him, but couldn't watch him slowly kill himself. He didn't think it was possible to get as drunk as he did that night. He was proven wrong three days later when he was served divorce papers. If Carlos hadn't shown up when he did, Tony would have put himself in a coma.

_But wouldn't that have been better than this. Feeling nothing was better than being without her._

Now he was in the same building as her, the same room. She still looked beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. She had straightened her hair and it was longer now.

_Her hair. She did that because of me. _

Tony had always had a fascination with Michelle's hair. He loved it. Loved to wrap her curls around his fingers idly while watching T.V. Loved running his hands through it right after she got out of the shower. She knew how much he loved her curls so she had gotten rid of them. It was one more sign that she was trying to erase him from her life completely.

And it killed him.

She had yet to notice him. Secretary Heller was briefing her. It was only a few moments later that they both looked his way. Tony got a small thrill from the surprised look on her face. He held his breath as she started making her way towards him. No matter what had happened between them it was still obvious there was something there. He was still aware of every move she made and he could see it in her eyes; she felt the same thing he did. The sexual tension between them had always caused sparks to fly whenever they were together. Apparently a divorce hadn't phased that a bit.

She came within a few feet of him and stopped. He could feel his skin hum being this close to her. He swore he could smell her. Not any kind of perfume she wore. Just Michelle. She had this scent that was uniquely her and it drove him crazy. That hadn't changed.

"Tony…"

"Michelle…"

* * *

Michelle stormed up the stairs to her office and swung the door closed.

"That sonofabitch…"

She knew this was a bad idea. There was just too much history between them to work together. They used to be so solid, working together so well they could guess each other's moves. Trying to get through all the cynicism and pain was a lost cause. He was snappy and she knew she was being difficult. She didn't need this. She was brought in as an emergency replacement in a time of crisis. That alone was enough to cause her stress level to skyrocket. Now with Tony here…

They had been working together again for only four hours. Her eyes misted a bit, thinking how sad it was they had stooped to this. She couldn't count the number of times she heard someone mention how perfect for each other they were. The moment she met him, she knew he was it. They had danced around each other for six months. They couldn't be in the same room together without the tension nearly suffocating them. Now they couldn't be in the same room together for an entirely different reason.

"What the _hell_ is your problem Michelle?"

Not having heard him enter the office she jumped a bit. Turning around she saw Tony making his way over to her and he was pissed.

_Well too fucking bad._

"What are you talking about?" She folded her arms in front of her.

"Edger told me ya re-positioned the men outside of station one. I'm in charge of those men Michelle. Ya don't have a clue about running a field-ops team…"

"Don't you _dare_ tell me what I am capable of. Based on the movement of Marwan's men, flanking would give our guys an advantage." Michelle stopped and sighed, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge between her eyes. "Tony, I know how good you are at tactical…"

"Don't fucking patronize me Michelle. This is your chance to kick me while I'm down and you are taking every opportunity." He had made his way around the side of desk and was now only a few feet in front of her.

"Is there anything else you have to say to me Tony or are we done here? I have a job to do." She turned and walked around the other side of the desk making her way to the door.

Tony wasn't finished yet. Not by a long shot. He shot over to her quickly and grabbed her arm.

"How about ya tell me about Bill."

She swung around, breaking his grip, ready to lay into him for grabbing her when she stopped and stared at him, a confused look on her face.

"What the hell are you talking about? What _about_ Bill?"

"Chloe told me ya worked for him while you were in Seattle. I was still in prison then Michelle. Remember that? The _husband_ ya still had while you were dating someone else?" 

Michelle's eyes grew big. _You've got to be kidding me. How dare he?_

"Not that I feel obligated to dignify that with a response, but for the sake of time I'll have you know I never dated Bill while we were still married. Now can you get over your petty jealousy and get back on the floor? We don't have time for this."

She attempted to turn towards the door again, but he grabbed her arm, this time not letting go.

"Bill told me you two dated. Are ya telling me he's a liar?"

Michelle had had enough. She walked into his personal space, as close as she could get. Dropping her voice she seethed at him.

"You have a lot of nerve, do you know that? I know you are living with some woman Tony, so don't stand here and try to be self righteous with me. Now let me go!" She tried shaking his hand off her arm, but he was gripping it tightly.

"Running away again Michelle? I guess you've had enough practice, you should be a pro at it by now."

He never saw it coming. The crack of her hand against his cheek echoed in the office. His head had snapped to the side and he could feel the sting start to burn. Michelle walked over to the glass walls of the office, looking down to the bullpen below. Chloe, Edger and just about anyone else in hearing distance were looking up into the office. Michelle reached over to her desk and activated the glass shade, dropping the office from everyone's view.

* * *

Edger looked at Chloe with a worried expression. "Are you sure they should be up there alone? They sounded pretty pissed off with each other?"

Chloe just rolled her eyes and handed him a file. "I wouldn't worry about it. Michelle will probably give it to him and Tony will lay into her. They were married."

* * *

The moment the shade took effect Tony was across the office and pulling her around to face him.

"I said don't touch me!" Michelle pulled against his grip.

Tony couldn't take it. He was angry and hurt and he wanted to lash out at her. She had hit him! _Hit him!_ Looking down at her he noticed she wouldn't look at him. Dear God he was incredibly turned on. He shouldn't have touched her. He was moving before he could think to stop himself. Leaning down he grabbed her face between his hands and kissed her. He kissed her with everything he had.

Michelle was shocked at first. Then she couldn't help but give in and kiss him back. Opening her mouth, she allowed him in and felt their emotions spike. He was pouring all his anger and desperation into her, while she was feeding him her loneliness and guilt. It wasn't passionate, it was fierce.

Tony moved his hands into her hair and roughly pulled her head back, dropping his mouth to her neck. He didn't want to be gentle. He wanted her to know how much he hurt. He ran his tongue down her neck to where it met her shoulder and bit her.

Michelle moaned and pulled at his hair. _What the hell were they doing?_ She gasped as he bit her and all rational thought went out the window. She couldn't kid herself anymore. She wanted him. She'd always want him. She'd tried, she really had. She had dated Bill once. They didn't even get through dinner. She couldn't do it. He wasn't Tony. If he needed this to vent his anger, then she needed this to quench her longing.

They stripped each other of their clothes quickly and not without injury. Both were sure they were scratched in more than a few places while struggling to get naked. They were pulling and grabbing each other wildly. Tony had one arm wrapped around her waist and the other buried in her hair, pulling back her head and causing her to arch while he devoured her breasts. She was clawing at his back and arms, anything she could reach.

Tony looked up at her, then swung his hand out and cleared everything off the desk. He reached down and roughly grabbed her around her thighs and practically threw her on the desk. He dropped quickly to his knees and roughly pulled her legs apart. She barely had time to breathe before he was devouring her. He'd always been good at this. Hell, he was good at all of it, but some men just have a talent for it and Tony was one of them. She arched her back off the desk and pulled tighter on his hair.

Tony was beyond reach at this point. He'd always loved the taste of Michelle. He didn't know if it was a chemical thing brought on by their emotions or if it was just her, but he'd always been willing to do this for hours. She was thrashing, moaning his name and Tony couldn't get enough. It'd been eight months since he'd had her and he was making up for lost time. He was getting what he wanted from her, even if it ended up killing him.

With one last lick he stood up and pulled her legs around his hips. Resting one hand on the desk near her hip, he used his other hand to slowly stroke himself. He was staring at her with a look of raw lust and it caused her to tremble. Tony would never physically hurt her she knew that. She'd never doubt that. But what they were doing now, in the end, had the potential to devastate her. Michelle closed her eyes and made her choice. She didn't have to do this. She could just walk away and never look back. But, if this was to be the last time she could have him, have him _feel_ something for her, even if it's in anger, she was taking it. If it killed her inside, so be it. She had been well on her way there already. At least she had this.

Opening her eyes, Michelle reached up quickly and grabbed his hair, pulling his face close to hers. With her lips just a breath away from his she gave him her decision.

"Fuck me Tony…"

They'd always been passionate. Jack had once described being around them as like a radioactive hot zone. You could just feel something prickling your skin. It was just enough to charge the air around them. If it was just enough before, now, now it was a full on ground zero.

Tony positioned himself and slid home roughly, hitting bottom with slight sting. He didn't wait for her to adjust to him he just started pounding. He slid his arms around her lower back and lifted her up into his stroke causing her shoulders to support her remaining weight. Michelle was gasping and moaning, clutching at the desk, but finding nothing to hold on to.

"God…fuck Michelle…so fucking tight…you always felt so fucking good…"

"Tony…"

"That's right baby. I'm back inside ya. Back inside you where I belong. You're mine Michelle…"

"Oh God…"

Tony felt like he was outside himself. He was giving her everything he had and his anger was bubbling up to the surface; starting to pour out of him.

"Did he fuck you like this baby? Huh? Did he fuck you like I do? He couldn't. No one can fuck ya like I can…"

"I…I never…"

"What? What is it baby?"

"I never fucked him…"

"Don't fucking lie to me Michelle!" Tony thrust a few times slower but harder, emphasizing his fury.

"I'm not ly…lying. I couldn't do it…"

Tony raised his head from her chest and looked at her. He was searching for the truth. He needed to see her eyes. He _needed_ to see she wasn't lying. What he found confirmed her admission and planted a small seed of hope within him.

"Why? Why couldn't you?"

"He…he wasn't…"

"Tell me Michelle…tell me why you couldn't." Tony was still moving into her solidly, but slower than before.

She moved her hands from the desk to his head, running her hands through his hair.

"He wasn't you Tony…Oh God…he wasn't you…" She gasped and closed her eyes, willing the wetness she could feel not to fall.

Tony stopped moving and hovered above her. She had her face turned to the side away from him, her eyes closed. He could tell she was trying not to cry. _What was she saying? Did she still love him?_

He took one hand from her back and gently moved her face towards him. She slowly opened her eyes at his touch and stared back at him. He saw her face and didn't have to ask but needed to hear it.

"Do you…still love me Michelle?"

"…"

"Tell me Michelle. I need to know. Do you still love me?"

She sniffled and closed her eyes again. A resigned look crossing her face.

"…yes…"

Tony leaned down and kissed her roughly, overwhelmed by what he was hearing. She whimpered and placed her hands on his face, smoothing them back and forth from his hair. He started moving inside her again as he kissed his way down her throat.

"I love you Michelle. I never stopped loving you."

"Oh God Tony…please…please don't say things you don't mean."

"I mean it baby. I tried. I tried to stop loving you. But I couldn't. _Daría algo para arriba la respiración que parar el amar de usted_."_(I'd rather give up breathing than to stop loving you.)_

He increased his pace more, reveling being inside her again. Riding on a wave of euphoria started by her admission.

"…yes…Tony…"

"mmmm yes baby…this is where we belong Michelle…we belong together…you can feel it…"

"Harder Tony…"

"I'll give you whatever you want sweetheart. You have all of me Michelle, just take it."

She wrapped her arms and legs around him tighter, leaning up to bury her face in his shoulder. Tony picked her up off the desk, still joined with her, and walked over to the couch against the back wall. He sat down with her in his lap, straddling him.

"Fucking ride me Michelle…I want you to fuck me baby…I know you like it rough, just take what you want…"

Michelle settled her hands on his shoulders and started riding him for all she was worth. Looking into his eyes she worked her body over his length, venting her frustration and guilt. He ran his hands down her back to her ass, cupping her and helping move her along him.

It took a certain state of mind for Michelle to really get into talking dirty. She loved hearing Tony and usually let him lead in that department. Clearly, she was in that special state of mind now.

"Did you miss me Tony? Did you miss being inside me?"

"Jesus Michelle…yes…yes baby I missed you. _Falté cómo es caliente y mojado usted es._"_ (I missed how hot and wet you are.)_

"Fuck yes Tony…keep talking…mmmm…"

"¿Usted tiene idea cuánto te quiero? Pensamiento nunca una vez parado I de usted. No soy nada sin usted. Deje por favor esto ser mi segunda ocasión." (Do you have any idea how much I love you? I never once stopped thinking about you. I am nothing without you. Please let this be my second chance.)

Michelle was riding him as hard as she could. She was getting winded and was so close she could taste it. She dropped her head to his shoulder and held him tight. His lips were right by her ear, blowing hot air on her neck as he panted and talked.

"Michelle…Jesus baby you're making me harder…can you feel that sweetheart? God, I just want to fuck the hell outta ya…"

"I'm…I'm close Tony…don't stop…"

"I'm not stopping baby. I'm not ever fucking stopping. It's been so long since I've felt you come. I gotta feel it Michelle, all for me."

"You gonna come for me…me too Tony? I love feeling you. You get so hard right before you come."

"Fuck yes baby. I'm going to give you everything I have, as hard as you want it. God Michelle, you kill me when you talk like that…"

Tony stood up, turned around and slammed her back against the locker next to the couch. Her head tipped back and she moaned loudly, having finally reached her peak.

"_Tony_…"

He was hammering her, sweat running down his face, his arms burning from holding her up against him.

"Christ…I can feel ya Michelle…you're mine baby. I'm not letting you go, not again. Fuck I'm gonna come…I want you to come again, this time with me…"

Michelle was holding on as tight as she could. His pace was driving and her limbs felt like rubber from her last release. She wasn't sure she could give him what he wanted.

"Tony…I don't think I can…"

"You can sweetheart and you will."

Tony leaned back slightly, still holding her under the thighs and started pumping in an upward direction changing the angle. Michelle didn't know what he hit, but it sent her soaring.

"Oh fuck Tony!"

"Yes…that's my girl…_Mi Michelle…Mi alma_." _(My Michelle. My soul.)_

With a few final thrusts Tony saw stars. He'd never came this hard in his life. He slowly fell to his knees holding her against him. He swore he blacked out for a second. They were slick and completely out of breath. She had her head buried in his neck while he stroked her hair away from her face, holding her to him around the waist, still joined. As the ringing in her ears subsided Michelle could hear him mumbling something quietly. She couldn't make it out at first but eventually she caught it.

"I don't love her. I've never loved her. I never could love her. She's not you."

Michelle's eyes misted again realizing he was speaking of the woman he lived with. She wasn't sure how to feel about that. _What would happen to them now? Do they just forget it happened?_ Her thoughts were interrupted by his speaking, louder this time.

"Michelle…I hate being without you."

She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him. He was staring away from her at something far away. He was unsure, nervous and scared to death she would reject him. He had nothing to offer her. Nothing but himself and his sworn promise in his heart that should she give him another chance, he'd spend the rest of his life being everything she's ever wanted.

She moved in and kissed him lightly on the lips, leaning her forehead against his. When she spoke her lips brushed against his cheek.

"I'm ready to leave here. I'm ready to go with you."

He held his breath and looked in her eyes. There it was. The _thing_ that was between them. It had surfaced again, finding its way through their pain and anger. He could see it shining. He knew she could see it reflected in him as well.

He slid his hands slowly from her sides up to her face and returned her kiss. Closing his eyes, his lips brushing against her's, he jumped.

"Will you marry me?"


End file.
